I guess you know why AL-ANONS make love with their eyes closed. They can't stand to see an Alcoholic have fun.

It is the great obsession of every Al-Anon, that someday he or she will learn to control and enjoy their drinker.

An Alanon slip: One moment of compassion.

How many Al-Anons does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They leave it alone and let it screw itself.

If an alcoholic says something in the forest and there's no al-anon there to hear him, Is he still wrong?

An Al-Anon amends: I'm sorry that I was being a bitch last night when you were being such an a*#hole.

How do alanon's have sex with you? They just detach and let you screw yourself!

How can you tell you're at an Alanon meeting? Someone spills their coffee and everyone gets up to clean it up.

How many co-dependents does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one... he/she keeps flipping the light switch repeating "this time it will come back on!"

What is the last thing to happen to an Al-Anon before they die? Someone else's life flashes before their eyes!

The wife of an active alcoholic wants to please her man, so she gets up one morning and makes him two scrambled eggs. He sits down for breakfast, and is angry & upset. She asks him what is wrong, and he says "I wanted poached". The next day, she gets up again, and makes him two poached eggs, and once again, he is upset. She asks what is wrong, and he says "I wanted scrambled". So she thinks and thinks, and figures out her plan.... The third day, she gets up and makes him two eggs - one scrambled, and one poached! She sits back, quite proud of herself, waiting for her A to sit down. He comes to the table, and once again is angry & upset. She says, aghast "how can you possibly complain now - I made you one scrambled, and one poached".... He simply looked at her with disdain, and said "you scrambled the wrong egg!"

Three people, one of whom was a co-dependent, were in line to be executed at the guillotine. The first person stuck his head in the hole, the rope was cut, and the blade fell, only to stop an inch above the person's neck. The executioners saw it as a sign from God and so decided to let the person go. The next person put his head in the hole, the rope was cut, and again, the blade stopped an inch above the person's neck. That person, too, was released. As the co-dependent walked up for his turn at the guillotine, he turned to the executioner and said: "You know, I think I know how to fix that."

Attitude is Everything

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